A Tortured Soul
by Storyteller1998
Summary: Natasha Romanoff thought it was just an everyday mission but after being captured and interrogated for information she realises it is anything but. She is tortured repeatedly while every evening the rest of the Avengers get a disk showing what has happened to her. Will they find her in time? Will she survive the agony day after day? Will she still be the woman she was before?
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first Avengers film so don't be too harsh? Anyway, hope you enjoy it!**

**I Do Not Own The Avengers!**

Natasha Romanoff was many things, an assassin, a spy, a friend to some, an Avenger. What she wasn't was afraid. She was trained to never be scared, it just wasn't an emotion she felt. Up until now. The Red Room had nothing on horrors that were happening to her, that was a place she wished to return to. Natasha was not afraid, she was terrified, not for her life but for the secret she was close to giving away, the things she knew that lay on the tip of her tongue. She had to bite her tongue until it bled to stop it all from pouring out, only opening her mouth to spit out the blood before starting the process again.

It had gone on for days, the torture, the interrogations, the questions she would not answer. The pain was the only thing she focused on, the pain reminded her that she was alive and could not speak. It kept her aware, alive. The pain, the agony proved that she was doing the right thing. She was trained for this. The others were not. That had not been taken from their homes, trained from an early age to kill and lie and die. They were not like her. They did not have red on their ledger.

So she bit her tongue, she squirmed and thrashed but she did not cry, she did not speak.

They would find her, the Avengers would find her. Alive or dead it did not matter to her.

Their secrets were safe even if she had to take them to her grave…

* * *

It was supposed to be a normal mission, go to France and kill a target before he did something extremely evil. She had left from her apartment at Stark tower, Tony and Pepper had been so kind to her and the others and supplied them all with a floor each as well as remodelling to fit their needs, hers included a top of the range gym and firing range as well as a lovely large indoor pool so she could relax when she came back from a mission. She had gone alone as Clint was unwell, the flu or something stupid like that leaving her to go on alone.

It was fine going alone but she was used to Hawkeye always having her back if she needed it. Just knowing she had support was enough. Sometimes some of the others would replace him if he was on a mission such as Steve who was always willing to help her out as well as Tony when Pepper would let him go. Backup was nice, you felt safer, protected, something you should always feel in this job.

France was nice, the scenery was beautiful depending on the way you looked at it, beautiful architecture or bland destruction of wildlife. People were milling about, completing their days and travelling home as she walked deliberately through the rushing street and up to the busy aristocrat part of France with all the lawyers and business men.

Natasha had to follow a Igor Karcoff to his apartment, get inside and take him out of the equation before he did extreme and irreversible damage to the nuclear power plant, causing an explosion and meltdown that Chernobyl would be proud of, killing millions of people and polluting the northern hemisphere in the process.

Igor was known as a man not to be messed around with, Natasha had read his file multiple times and found out he had hired bodyguards and henchmen, some which could be quite dangerous even to her. But also he sorted out his problems on his own meaning he could defend himself.

She ran down the back alley and broke open a window to climb in.

But they were expecting her, they had prepared, set her up perfectly, their plan to cause a nuclear meltdown was just a ruse to get her here. Clever.

She killed 7 of them before they shot her with a tranquiller, she went down slowly still attacking and fighting even as they dragged her down to the basement. The toys lay on the wall, all waiting for her to wake up so the play could begin. The shiny blades caused her eyes to blur as everything faded into darkness…

* * *

"Agent Barton, we haven't received any word from Agent Romanoff in 2 days. Have you got anything off her personal cell?" Fury inquired at Stark tower after calling an impromptu meeting that none of them knew anything about. Until now…

"No Director, where was her last assignment?"

"France, she had to take out an Igor Karcoff who was planning to cause a nuclear meltdown in the nearest reactor to Paris. She was supposed to have completed the task 2 days ago and reported in straight away. She had never taken this long to answer."

"Something is wrong."

"I agree."

"So Agent Romanoff is in trouble?" Steve questioned, "The woman who threatened to cut off my ears and stick them back on to my neck when I stole her sandwich? Are you sure she can't handle it on her own?"

"Yes Captain, something is definitely wrong, she is taking too long, the last time she checked in she was already at the house with the target in sight. It was supposed to be easy…"

Clint sighed deeply and shook his head frowning, it was his fault he thought, if he had gone with her she would probably be fine and safely home.

"Do not blame yourself, she is a capable woman." Thor reassured Barton as he watched him go to the kitchen and grab a glass of water. "I believe she is fine Agent Barton."

Pepper shuffled over to Tony and patted his arm comfortingly but it just agitated him, he stood up quickly and started pacing the room. Tony Stark was afraid for his friend, she was an extraordinary woman but could always be injured, just like any other human being. Even the great Captain America as well as he could be injured.

"Tony don't worry! I'm sure word will come in today or tomorrow, she is probably fine!" Pepper reassuringly.

"It is the probably that worries us all…" Bruce said, his first and only comment on the subject meaning he was definitely worried.

* * *

She was rocking about in a container, making her fall about the place and unbalance her chair. She was handcuffed to the metal bars on the back of the chair meaning she would not break it like she could wood. She had been placed in complete darkness so she could not find a way of escape and the only thing she knew was located in the container was the small vent in the top left corner as she could hear the air rushing through.

She was nervous, after 2 days of interrogations she was being transported on a plane to another country so the Avengers could not track her easily. Her own tracker in the curve of her elbow had been removed with a blunt knife causing extreme pain but Natasha thought that was the whole point of the exercise. Of course she was used to pain like that so it didn't unnerve her like planned, only took away another of her options.

After a bouncy landing she was taken out of the container and into a building blindfolded. She could hear cars passing nearby leading her to believe she was in a largely populated place and had a chance of help if she escaped. When she escaped…

"Miss Romanoff… Are you awake Miss Romanoff? Do you fancy a little heart to heart?" Igor chuckled. She could feel his breath on the back of her neck and tried to head buck him but to no avail. "No Natasha, can I call you Natasha? Now I have some questions and you are going to answer them. But first let's take the blindfold off. Huh."

Light burst into her vision as she quickly scanned the area. It was another basement she could tell but definitely in another country as the climate and humility was completely different as well as the strength of the sunlight bursting through a small panelled window in the top of the room, confirming that she was in a basement.

"See how generous I have been Natasha. Let's co-operate yes?" his accent grated her nerves as she continued to stare at his threateningly planning her revenge. "You know you have been moved. We have taken you to your beloved America, putting you under your government's nose. Funny yes?"

She side glanced at him and frowned, that was clever and would be the last thing they expected…

Igor shouted out the door, "Bring in the camera, we have work to record." Natasha blinked at him puzzled and tilted her head to the side inquisitively. Igor turned back to her and saw her expression, "Oh! We didn't tell you did we? We are recording your interrogation and sending it to your Avengers at the end of every day. They will live through your screams and know that you gave them up. You will give them up eventually."

The camera beeped to indicate that it was on, Igor Karcoff walked in front and sat beside her waving smugly as she death glared him. At least they would know she wasn't giving up soon. "Hello Avengers! Good day! I am sure you know exactly who I am, if you don't let me introduce myself, I am Igor Karcoff, the man your Black Widow was sent to kill but here she is. At the end of each day I will be sending you a video of the interrogations your friend has had to endure, or not depending on what she says. Shall we begin now or tomorrow? Let the anticipation claw at your throats waiting to know if she survived the day. I will start at first sunlight tomorrow. Good bye…"

The camera clinked off and Igor completely ignored her as he walked out. "Fetch her some food, we don't want her starving or dehydrating herself before the fun tomorrow." Her arms were chained to the wall before they removed the handcuffs and threw in a bottle of water and a bowl of a food she could not identify.

It was going to be a long night…

* * *

The Avengers sent Pepper out when they received the disk apparently given in to the police. They all watched in horror as they spotted Natasha in the background as Igor continued to rant, they had until sunrise to find her or else…

Steve started sending them on different tasks all through the night but nothing turned up. They watched together in disarray as the sun rose.

"What will they do to her?" Steve questioned all the officers as they sat down at Stark's dining table to discuss that they should do next.

"Many things, electrocution is most likely as she was trained by the Soviets they loved to use that. But they will mix it up most likely." Clint barked sadly, he knew a lot about Natasha's past, they had spoken about it on a few occasions.

"She shall be ok." Thor said quietly.

"She was trained to endure such things right?" Bruce questioned hopefully.

Fury thought for a few moments, "Yes but torture is torture, everybody breaks at one point."

* * *

The camera was rolling as she was abruptly awoken by a bucket of freezing water that left her teeth chattering.

"I'd wish you a good morning but I'd rather kill you." She said viciously even though she was frozen solid and shivering uncontrollably.

"That is fine Natasha, now let us begin. Where is the main set-up of the Avengers?" Igor questioned. She ignored him. He repeated the question several times before grabbing her face and making her look at him. "Where are they?" he hissed, spit flying onto her face.

She smirked and spat in his face. His hand rose sharply and smacked her round the face causing her neck to jolt. She looked into his eyes and spat the blood in her mouth sideways keeping her eyes set on him in clear defiance. The questions continued "Where are they located? How was each individual added to the program? How did Dr Banner create the Hulk? Where can Captain America's serum be found?" She ignored every question only answering a few with swearwords in English, Russian, Spanish, Mandarin, German and weirdly Swahili.

She was hit, cut and kicked repeatedly throughout 6 hours before he spoke again to the camera. "She is good isn't she? Already 3 broken ribs and a fractured wrist and still no complaints, no screams, no cries. A woman like that is useful."

The camera clicked off and she let a breath of relief escape her lips. It was over. For now…

* * *

They received the disk as the sun set over the New York buildings, the sun reflected off the glass buildings and shone brightly over the landscape. Pepper was taken out of the room, she wasn't an Avenger and she wasn't like the rest of them, she was naive to the situation, didn't deserve to see the horrors that were happening to her friend. The Avengers watched sadly as their friend was beaten for answers about them, she didn't say anything, not a single word about them. Everyone could see that Clint was taking it worse of all, that was his partner and he felt like he had failed her.

Everyone was thinking of their regrets that were centred on Natasha, missed meals and meetings, forgotten gifts for special occasions. Steve felt terrible; he didn't know how to lead the others so they could help her, find her.

Everyone went to bed that night but none of them slept a wink, Tony just lay there and cried into Pepper's shoulder while she hugged him close like one would do a child. He was out of character but this was one of his best friends! "What is they kill her?" he choked out pitifully.

"They won't. She has too valuable information, they won't let that go. It means you have time to find her." Pepper replied soothingly.

Meanwhile Steve was in the gym punching viciously at the bags, unleashing all his frustration and anger onto it until it broke and he could replace it.

He could still see her bloodied face in his mind, her eyes defiant and sparkling to each question they asked. She would be ok, she was trained for this.

Thor had returned to Jane for the night in need of comfort and support, he did not understand the things humans did for information, in his mind it wasn't right and worth it.

They all appeared in Tony's apartment at sunrise and started planning a search…

The next video arrived at sunset again, they all sat down and stared blurry eyed at the screen as she screamed mercilessly. Natasha was in another room, different to where she was last time and had probes attached onto her bare skin, she was unclothed apart from her underwear which made her shiver and goose bumps rise on her skin. Every time she did not answer a question she was electrocuted for an extra second each time she fail to answer. In the end she was being electrocuted for over 400 seconds each time.

Bruce had stomped out of the room when it had reached 300 seconds saying something along the lines of "so much nerve damage, I'll be in my lab." He hadn't returned.

The others watched horrified as she convulsed and twisted around screaming but not giving anything up. They would of.

"Clint how long can she last?" Steve asked nervously.

"Depends on what they do to her, it seems that they change tactics everyday for our amusement. Sick bastards. At this rate with the injuries so far she could last a week, two or three at a stretch."

"That little time?" Thor stared and pushed his eyebrows together in thought.

"Most wouldn't last through the last two days let alone more. I couldn't, you lot couldn't, the only one would be Bruce but he could Hulk out and stop it all."

"I think this isn't about the information, it's like they are trying to send us a message." Steve said uncertainly.

"I get what you mean, it's about the pain and what it does to us. Our reaction to it all." Tony replied.

They continued to watch as Natasha kicked one of the people restraining her convulsions. "I think she will be ok for the moment."

**_I hope you have enjoyed it so far! It shall continue if I get more that 5 reviews so please feel free to click the button and so you can see if Agent Romanoff does survive._**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for all the excellent reviews! I reached my target quickly so updated as soon as I could as a reward! Thanks again, you helped me plan my next chapter. I'm really impressed with myself on how well it went down, I would like 10 reviews for the next chapter, really 15 but any will be nice. Thank you all!**

**I Do Not Own The Avengers!**

The gang all collect around the television in synchronised silence as they prepared for what they knew was coming, everyone knew what to expect. The DVD blurred on and Natasha appeared in the centre of the room with a bed to the side whilst she was strapped to a chair. Blood was dried on the side of her face as her chin lay against her chest and her vibrant red hair blocked the view of most of her face. She breathed heavily as the door creaked open and a shadow appeared in the corner of the video.

"Natasha, are you hurting? We could make it better." Igor whimpered as he tried to portray sympathy, she just grunted in response and looked defiantly into his eyes glaring through him with visual disgust.

"Was it the shocks? I'm sorry if it hurt."

"You're not sorry."

"They are not going to find you, you should accept that." He smiled as he slowly stepped towards her and reached for the straps on her wrists. After undoing them Igor prepared for an attack but she didn't move. The Avengers stared in shock as they awaited an attack they soon realised would not come. "Are you tired?"

Agent Romanoff struggled to push up from the chair and walk over to the bed to flop down. Igor strode over and started to push her hair out of her eyes almost lovingly before grabbing her arms and handcuffing them to the bedstead. She tried to kick in protest but her body was too weak from hunger, dehydration and exhaustion. Her futile struggles to escape the cuffs only worried the group watching more.

"Clint! Will she be ok?" Steve worriedly said while observing her weak movements.

"I don't know…"he replied and gasped as he watched Igor climb on top of her small fragile body.

"What is he doing to Lady Natasha?" Thor questioned as they watched Karcoff removed her clothing piece by piece as he struggled. Everything she tried did nothing, biting, kicking, kneeing, scrabbling, nothing seemed to work.

"I-I think, oh God, I think he's going to-going to…" Bruce stuttered as he diverted his eyes from her now naked body.

It all clicked to Thor as he watched Igor undo his belt.

"We should have helped, we should have done something before this happened!" Steve cried as he watched Natasha scream mercilessly in protest for what she knew was going to happen. She arched and bridged trying to knock his body off.

"Will you tell me? You know what I am capable off Natasha." They heard Igor say over her screams.

"No! Never! I won't! I won't!" she cried, tears streaming down her face as she bucked repeatedly. The Avengers all sucked in a breathe, she was going to be raped because of them! It wasn't fair. The strongest individual of their group; the person that kept the group together was going to be broken, destroyed because of their difficulty to find her.

"Natasha, I will only ask you once, tell me the location of the Avengers."

She sobered up and looked him square in the eyes, defiance and loathing evident in her gaze, "Go die asshole!"

Steve looked around at the others, all of them wearing exactly the same expression, they were so proud of her, of her refusal, of the love she held for them. She knew exactly what would happen due to her but she didn't care.

She turned to the camera, the first time had even acknowledged its existence and smiled brightly before whimpering a "Don't watch."

"Little Red." Tony cried sadly before staring angrily at the screen. It wasn't fair. He had his suit to protect him, Thor his hammer, Bruce his Hulk, Steve his super soldier skills. She had nothing really to protect her.

Clint stared at the screen as she screamed in agony, "She'll be ok, she can heal herself in no time, she'll be fine." He whispered to himself.

Steve turned to look at him puzzled, he had heard his little comment with his sensitive hearing, "What do you mean?"

"When she was a little girl she was taken from her family and brought to the Red Room. They trained her, tortured her with the same things as this guy. She was the best and became the Black Widow but before she had a chance to escape they injected her with something very similar to your serum. She may not be as strong as you but she is extremely strong compared to most men. She is lightning quick and heals at an extraordinary rate. She's like a super human. I know she will be ok." Barton said to others, distracting them from the screams and cries that were emitted from the screen.

Steve stared at the TV in shock, she was like him? He had never had anyone close to what he was before. He had never fought her properly in training before as she was usually with Tony, Bruce or Clint already practicing. He had observed her often, like a Captain should, and was always gobsmacked with how fluid her movements were and how quickly she could change direction and attack styles. When she got back he would have to fight with her properly and see how close they were matched.

While everyone was thinking about what she was like Bruce asked a question that no one had thought about, "How old was she?" He was always the most caring of them all.

"I don't know, she never really said. I had to get all that information out of her when she was plastered on vodka, oh, she also has to drink A LOT to get drunk. I think that was because of the serum but it might be because she's Russian… But I think it was around 7 or 8. She was out wih her family and then…"

"What did the Soviets do to her?" Tony asked interested, it wasn't everyday they learnt something about the youngest member of the team.

"Most of the stuff this bastard is doing as well as drug induced comas and hallucinations. They used to cut her up with knives and dip her in citric acid."

Bruce winced and closed his eyes in visual pain, "That must have been agony… she doesn't have any scars though."

"I don't get scars, it's due to the serum right?" Steve guessed.

"Yeah I think so."

The background screams they had tried to block out ended abruptly causing all of them to turn and stare at the screen. She had been knocked unconscious due to the pain as he continued to have his way with her.

"We need to find her!" Steve said determined, Thor nodded in agreement.

"I agree, we must find and save Lady Natasha. She needs our help."

"Now Natasha, wake up. We need to finish our questions…" A moan could be heard from her motionless body as he grabbed her naked body and undid her binds.

THWAK! Her left arm flew straight into his jaw and knocked his head hard into wall, hitting him unconscious. She grabbed her shirt from the floor as well as her panties and flung them on quickly before walking over and crouching in front of the camera.

"Boys." She panted with a heaving chest, "I need to get some information, I know I'm in New York and it has busy traffic outside. I'm in basement and I hear church bells every hour. Don't worry about me, a few scratches won't kill me." They all cringed already knowing what she had been through in the last week. The wished she only had scratches. "He's waking up, Barton remember New Delhi? I need you to stay off the bottle. I'm not there to save your ass this time." She smiled before looking at Karcoff's awakening form and running to the door.

She attempted to open it but they could all see it was an act. She was creating a story that Igor would believe, she had tried to escape not communicate with her team.

"Natasha, my little dove, you are in big trouble…" he stalked towards her before smirking at the camera, "Look at the time, I think I will leave it there for you. I have plenty of time to enjoy her while you aren't watching…" The camera clicked off sharply, the last image seen was Nat smiling viciously at Igor and preparing to pounce.

"We better get to work…" Tony stated getting up and walking into his study with the other…

* * *

Getting that message to the boys had nearly killed her, she hated having to let that animal touch her such an intimate way, but it was needed if she got the data she wanted and the other Avengers saved her. She hated that they had to watch the things happen to her, that they hear her cries and see the torture inflicted on her. She hated that they had to see her so weak. She wasn't weak.

Igor Karcoff enjoyed inflicting pain of her, he loved the way her face crinkled up in a silent scream, and how she would writher underneath him causing him so much pleasure. He was a sadistic bastard, not the worse she had met but up in the top ten, the ones she left for the officials at the Red Room. She had a list, a list of those she owed something to, mostly death to over nine tenths.

She would be free soon, the boys would find her and she would be safe back in Stark Tower with the others, she could be tucked up in a warm feather blanket and left to sleep for the next few days when she got back. Natasha looked forward to that mental image. She could hug her boys and for once admit that she loved them, they knew but she never said it, never needed to.

It was midnight at the moment ad she was left in total darkness, alone apart from the noises above her, alone in her thoughts and ideas. She was so thirsty…

They would find her, they would find her and everything would be ok.

She would protect their secrets.

* * *

They watched video after video for days as they searched for her. Each scream causing tears to appear at their eyes and threaten to fall. She never said a word about them. Their spider protected them with her life.

"Guys, I think I found her." Tony shouted through the apartment drawing all their attention away from their individual tasks and straight to his study.

"Where?" Steve questioned.

"She's on Madison Avenue at either 907 or 909."

"Suit up!" Steve shouted to the others, Thor picked up Mjölnir and waited by the Quinjet for the others to change while Tony just walked over clicking a button making his suit fly over and attach itself to each of his limbs. They all were ready, ready to save their Black Widow.

* * *

She was conscious but not fully aware instead zoning out to ignore the drumming heartbeat that she could hear and feel throughout her body as she was submerged in water again. They were drowning her to the point of death and just before bringing her out to choke out the water before dunking her back in before she had time to properly breathe. It was exhausting and was causing an incredible strain on her body, mentally and physically, that left her wishing to die. It all kept adding up, everything just got worse and worse. The video camera was in the right hand corner of the room watching her, watching her chokes and sputters as she gasped for air.

They hadn't even questioned her this time, instead just torturing her because they could, because she was the submissive in this category. She felt like shit.

Natasha Romanoff was an excellent liar, even to herself, she was trained to make them believe the lie and after hearing it in her head for so long she was starting to accept it as fact. But the lie of rescue could only go so far before you realised it was false. Why hadn't they come for her?

She wanted to hear Tony's 'Capsicle' jokes, sit in the corner of Bruce's lab and watch without any communication as they revolved around each other, fight and train with Clint in their awesome gym, help teach Steve about the 21st century while laughing with him as they watched a modern movie and go out with Thor for extra Poptarts at 3 in the morning. She even wanted to go on those dreaded shopping trips with Pepper.

She thought of all this as she struggled against the arm keeping her under the surface and then Natasha just stopped struggling, what was the point? She was going to die anyway. She stayed there for a minute more before they pulled her out, couldn't they leave her in so she wouldn't have to go through the rest of their extensive torture. The most painful thing of the whole experience was that the boys had to watch it all, she could deal with her own pain but others…

She wasn't an emotional person, not like Bruce or Steve who wore their hearts on their sleeves and were open and honest with everyone. She wished she could have been like that when she had the chance to be with them.

A loud clash was heard above in the house but it was muffled by the water she was back drowning in. The door clicked open and Natasha could see the silhouette of a figure through the surface of the water, probably Igor back to have fun with her. One second she was underwater, the next she was choking out the water sat in someone's lap while they caressed her back. She acted immediately and flung herself at the individual, swinging round to put them in a choke hold while she sat on their shoulders.

She was picked off gently, but quickly, and put back on the ground.

"Natasha…"

Her head snapped up to stare into the calm blue eyes in front of her, how could he be here? She cried remorsefully, "I'm dead aren't I?"

"No, you're not dead Nat, you're going to be fine, just let me get you out of here…"

"Thanks but I'm waiting you see. I'm waiting to be rescued by my team. I can't trust you, the drugs they gave me make me see things. I need to wait here for my boys."

"Nat…"

"The real you will be here soon."

"I'm really sorry." SMACK! He hit her on the back of the skull and knocked her out quickly. Lifting up her body so he could carry her, Steve walked out the door to find the others finishing off the pricks that took her.

She would be fine when the drugs and pain and problems wore off…

* * *

**Thanks again for everything, I'm thinking of adding a romance but between who? Advise in a lovely review please?**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks my lovely people for the review! I love you all for your kind words and supportive comments! You all rock so much. So I've had loads of reviews about the romance idea I had and well, I think it's going to be a STASHA. Sorry for you Clint fans, I like the character but seriously cannot imagine them apart from best friends. It just doesn't appear in my mind…**

**Thanks for all your lovely reviews, please can we aim for 20 to get the next chapter; I know it's higher than before but you all say my story is worth continuing… **

**I Do Not Own The Avengers!**

Natasha awoke in a bright clinically white room with a bared window next to her bed and an occupied room, at least 7 people were inside her small room. They were all in discussion about something or other and hadn't noticed that she was awake and watching them all. Only when one went to sit at her bedside seat and taken her hand did they notice her blank stare at them before all hell broke loose. Everyone was talking over each other and shouting to be heard. It was actually quite humorous to Nat, she was used to people avoiding being in her presence most of the time and being quiet when on missions.

"How you feeling Red?" Tony asked sympathetically. "You've been through a lot in the last few weeks." Everyone nodded in agreement and turned to watch her delayed reaction.

"I'm OK! Seriously everyone. I feel fine, fit as a fiddle. I'm already good enough for missions." She replied joyously, she was safe with her family, her misfit and unconventional family but together none the less.

"No! No missions for you for a while Natasha!" Bruce said loudly as the others nodded in agreement. "Right now that my patient is awake I want you all to leave so I can discuss everything with her. Out!" he chuckled as they all jogged out with a sharp backward glance at her in the hospital bed.

"So what's up Doc? How long do I have left?" she jested as she sat up comfortably and turned to see his smile slip off his face.

"Natasha you have been through a lot of stress, mentally, emotionally, physically, you shouldn't have survived that ordeal, and we wouldn't of. You need to take a break and get used to being home again and feeling safe. You understand right?"

"I've been through stuff like this before Bruce, I'm fine now, all healed." She smiled happily but it fell off her face as she watched his face drop.

"I just worry for you Nat, we all do! You've been through so much in the last month, you really need a break." Bruce stressed as he took a seat next to her and grabbed her hand in a reassuring gesture.

"You don't need to worry about me I'm fine now! Everything's alright. Can we send the others back in? I missed you all so much." She said pitifully while straightening herself into a comfortable position so she could sit properly.

He nodded happily and walked to the door, twisted the handle and stood back, all of the boys were lent against the door trying to listen and fell to the floor in a heap causing Bruce and Natasha to laugh loudly.

Thor and Steve looked regretful at trying to invade the privacy while Clint and Tony looked disappointed at not hearing more. "Boys…" she smirked.

"I'm a man Nat, you should know that!" Clint exclaimed loudly while wiggling his eyebrows, she giggled at his expression.

"I wouldn't go that far Clint, I was extremely disappointed remember."

"Are you calling me small?"

"I never said that." She said jokingly while twisting her legs over the edge of the bed so she could stand up.

All of the Avengers were crowded around her bed so when she put weight on to her feet and tried to stand without help, they each took a step back in anticipation. Nat let out a startled cry when she collapsed, Steve reached out and caught her before she fell but the atmosphere had changed from light and jokey to serious in an instant. Steve picked her up like she weighed nothing and placed her back on the bed delicately while smiling reassuringly at her disgruntled face.

"You should take it easy." He whispered into her ear as he pulled away. She was so fragile at the moment, so breakable, it was so sad to see someone so powerful and deadly turn vulnerable in an instant. He hated what had happened to her, it wasn't fair, wasn't right for it to have happened to the only female and physically weakest but she had all the information they needed and it was probably more 'fun' to them to break a woman, more appealing; it made him sick to think about it.

"I'm fine! Just need to get back on my feet and working again. Bruce can I go home?" she asked almost begging to get away from the clinical world, she had need here so many times she didn't know why they didn't have a bed set aside for her personal need.

"Clint, pack up my stuff will you. Oh! And leave my underwear alone you pervert, remember Puerto Rico? I don't want another incident like that!" she giggled blissfully at the memory as she grabbed her clothes on the seat so she could get changed, everyone streamed out of the door for her privacy apart from Steve who hesitated at the door and said calmly, "Can I talk to you privately later Natasha? I have some questions about your serum."

"Sure! Now go away so I can change!"

He chuckled deeply as he shut the door and joined the others.

Tony smirked at Clint and said tranquilly, "You know you need to tell us some of the stuff you and Little Red got up to? I want details, juicy details." He finished perversely.

"What are you conversing about Metal Man?" Thor said naïvely as he joined the group.

"You'll find out my friend!" he smirked evilly but turned to the door as it opened and a clothed Natasha Romanoff walked out, everyone was trying to seem completely normal you could tell as they started polite conversations that didn't ever enter the theme of what had happened to her.

"Nat, I was talking to Clint and he said he was going to tell us so of the things you did on your missions."

She frowned confused and turned to look at Barton who ignored her and blushed angrily, "I didn't but it couldn't hurt, we all need a laugh right now."

"That we do." They drove home to Stark Tower in relative silence that wasn't awkward but more comfortable and reassuring, they arrived and went straight up to Tony and Pepper's floor and attacked the bar.

"God I want to get drunk." She said happily as they all took shot glasses and walked over to the tables and sofas.

"Start the stories you two!" Tony said as he threw back another drink. "We want details!"

They all surrounded them at the couches and Clint shared a look with Natasha. "Where to start? "He questioned with a half-smile, his lips twisting upwards at the memories. They'd had so much action in their lives.

"I remember a time when you got so drunk you thought you were able to fly. You decided to jump off the 8th floor of our hotel and I had to catch your drunk ass. I broke over 10 bones and had to have stitches in one side of my ribs. You woke up the next morning and asked me sincerely why I was glaring at you with a knife in my hands."

Tony howled with laughter and Clint's face brightened up. "That explains so much! Anyway, I remember when you got so drunk you went off with a guy and he ended up in hospital, you still don't remember what you did to him do you?"

"Nope but you should have let me go off with that moron."

Bruce smiled and asked, "So has anything ever happened between you two? I mean well you know?"

"Well, kind of. We had a 6 month mission and thought we were going to die so shagged against a wall before taking out the CEO of an arms dealer. That was about it." Clint shrugged and Nat nodded along with his story.

"You two are so anticlimactic. I was looking forward to your story of passionate mad sex." Tony glumly stated as he took another shot.

Steve sat in the corner listening to everything, he was the only one still sober but it wasn't by choice, if he could he would be as hammered as the rest of them just so he could relax. They had been chatting for hours now and all were completely drunk, Thor had left earlier so at least they didn't have a drunken god on the loose. Most of them were asleep apart from Bruce and Natasha who sat in the corner whispering intensely.

Natasha stared at Bruce who was talking supportively to her, "You aren't alone, remember that?"

"I'm fine! Everything's healed."

"The body can clear of scars, the mind however cannot. Will you stay off missions for a while?"

"No… I'm built to withstand such things Bruce, I'm made to kill and fight. I'm not like you and Steve and Thor, I'm not innocent, this really showed me how damaged I already was."

"I-I" he stuttered staring deep into her eyes, seeing with deep sadness that she thought what she spoke was true.

"Go to bed my friend, I shall see you in the morning." He walked to his quarters taking a back glance to stare at her and the passed out bodies on the sofa apart from Steve whose eyes followed him to the exit.

Natasha got comfy on the sofa, she wished she had stayed drunk but her serum destroyed all alcohol that entered her system very quickly.

"You're not broken." His voice broke clearly through the silence that had surrounded her for the last few minutes. "You could never be broken; you're too strong for that."

"Thank you…" she whispered, startled by the sincerity in his compassionate voice. "I'm just tired of people treating me like I am, it makes me doubt myself, you know?"

"Yeah I understand. I know it's hard but have you thought of counselling or therapy? It could help."

"I hate expressing my feelings, it's… hard. But I might try actually just to help the boys, stop them treating me like I could break any moment."

"Sounds like a plan."

"Good night Steve… and… thank you." Those two words had so much meaning behind them, like she was thanking him for everything he had ever done right. She was so beautiful, inside and out.

She took off to her room and laid down on her comfy bed, it was so different to what she had been sleeping on that it was almost uncomfortable, she had to get used to feeling secure and safe. The boys wouldn't let anything happen to her.

* * *

The counsellor stared as she entered the room, she understood why, she was the Black Widow. The black seat sat by the window and called for her to sit down in its depths but when she did her secrets would fall from her and the counsellor would probably be more traumatized than her. It was so… lonely, her life. Completely independent on herself with no help, no support and no love, at all. She had tried that before and the disasters it had led to hadn't been worth the trouble, no not at all.

"Hello." Her voice was hesitant like she was terrified she would be shot at any second.

"Hi?" she smiled shyly and sat down, cautious to a fault she studied the room and spotted at least 6 things she could use as a weapon, she was fine.

"What would you like talk about?" she smiled and tucked her legs under herself.

* * *

"Tony what you up to?" Bruce questioned as he watched Tony fiddle with a radio and then smile slightly when voices burst from the radio.

"Nothing, go away." Was his brief response as Steve and Clint joined him around the table, each taking a seat and looking expectantly at Tony.

Natasha's voice echoed around the room and silence filled them…

"Tony! That's a complete break of privacy! That's confidential!" Bruce spat viciously, "Don't you have any respect?!"

Simultaneously Steve and Clint shouted "Tony!"

"It's not what you think at all, I don't want to trigger anything you know, I could say something and cause her to break down due to what happened or what's resurfaced from the Red Room, you know I love little Red as much as you guys."

They stared at him contemplating what he had said, it was still a breach in confidentiality but they understood where he was coming from.

"I'm still not sure we should be doing this…" Bruce said stubbornly.

"I don't want to upset her either…" Clint's eyes avoided them all as they wandered around the room in avoidance.

Her voice broke through the silent glaring contest between Tony and Bruce, "I don't know where to start. I mean I was but a child when they took me, chose me you could say. I was… special. They liked that in me." Disgust filled her words as her sentences continued, "The things they did to me, the things they made me feel, I was so bloody proud of it all, I was just a child. I wanted to make them proud."

"That's natural for a child, they want someone to be proud, to motivate them in their goals." Her therapist stated evenly. They heard Natasha take a deep breath, preparing her words carefully.

"The things they did to me… I never had a childhood, they stole it from me, I-I was so young. I was their perfect protégé, the perfect model. I was tortured to become stronger, I was taught to become harder, I was just so bloody young; I didn't have a clue why they did it but I appreciated them because I thought it was normal for this to happen, that children were supposed to be tested."

"How does this make you feel looking back at it now?"

"Naïve, so starry-eyed and unprepared for a future I didn't understand. I just despise what they did but what hurts the most isn't what they did but what they left behind. The serum they injected me with makes me almost inhuman, I don't feel like I belong, I guess I understand how Steve feels sometimes, alone and… lost."

They turned to look at Steve, each a single question in their eyes, _"Is she right? Do you feel like that?"_ He smiled sadly and turned back to the radio, his eyes unfocused and imagining just how it had been at the beginning, he felt like he belonged now, he fitted in with his misfit family but she was right, sometimes it was so hard to just be here.

"What is your worst memory or moment you remember?"

A hysterical laugh erupted from the device, it held so much self-hate. "I've had so many, but a few stand out to me, I was around 13 and put in a room with 26 other children boys and girls, all older than me and looking down at me menacingly. Then a voice burst from the speakers telling us only one could walkout the doors. So we fought. We killed and we died. I stood victorious over them all and just… walked out, didn't look back, didn't acknowledge what I had done, didn't even care how many I had killed… I just walked out. The only thing I was upset about was that they hadn't congratulated me. That was it."

"Anything else that impacted you?"

I was 14 and I had my first friend, she was so beautiful, so innocent and didn't deserve to be here so I protected her from the older ones who would hurt her, kill her if they had to. She was 8 years old and I adored her. Then they told me to kill her. She look at me with so much trust, so much love even as I held the knife to her throat, like she knew I couldn't do it even as I pressed the knife into the skin. She just stared at me. I cried more than she did as her last few seconds ended. That was when I realised that this wasn't normal, that I wasn't doing the right thing. But it was too late. It's always been too late for redemption. So I continued to follow orders because it was too late for me to be saved."

"Alena." They turned to stare at Clint. "She used to cry herself to sleep talking about her when she thought she was alone. I had to watch her for days when we were on opposite sides. I realised she was just as human as me when she had those weak moments."

"Did anything happen to you that has effected how you respond to human contact?"

"You mean how I respond to men?" they could only guess that the shrink had nodded at her as she continued. "I have been taken advantage of more times than Tony has slept with women, and trust me, he's slept with a lot of women."

"Could you elaborate please?"

"I was a beautiful child so men liked me. I was admired by many, wanted by more and they just took what they wanted. Simple."

"You should talk about it Natasha, release these pent up emotions."

She huffed and growled deeply, a glass was beard breaking on the wall while the shrink kept quiet.

"I was 12 the first time. I-I didn't understand what was going on, I didn't understand it was wrong, I just… didn't know what to do. After the pain I fought back, I realised it wasn't nice that I didn't like it. I hadn't even started my menstrual cycle yet, I guess I started a spy too young if that's possible."

Bruce cringed at the medical side of what she was saying, "That could have caused terrible problems for her. Sex that young could have damaged her organs."

The men at the table cringed, not wanting to talk about… lady problems. "Seriously, now is not the time to be modest. It could have injured her drastically, mentally and physically."

"I was so scared for the first time, I didn't understand what was going on. So I asked the older girls, the 16 year olds and above in my dormitory, they said I was lucky to be wanted. I didn't want to be wanted like that, I was just a little girl."

"How did this effect your sex life now?"

"I don't really care about it anymore, sex is sex, I do it to get the job done, enjoy it sometimes but it's not personal like it should be, in the relationships I've had it's never about what I feel but what they enjoy if you get what I mean. Sex comes when the men want it and I just give it because it's safer to do so. I think the only good relationship I had with sex was when I held out until I was ready, I realised a long time ago that while sex is a personal thing it can be one-sided unlike kissing, I like how you need two people to kiss, that is so much more intimate for me."

"I understand. It connects you more to a person because you both have to want it."

"Yeah. Sex is just so impersonal to me now, I wish I had that desire for it like other people do, that feels to get close."

"Now go back to the events that caused all of this to resurface, what were you thinking when you were there? What kept you going?"

"It must sound strange, even mentally unstable, but I was happy, I was so happy, joyous even that it was me there. Not the others, they wouldn't have survived it, they were all too innocent to endure that. I was so bloody happy the whole time, if it was me instead of them then I was doing something right, something that would be worth it. The pain was agonising, brutal but… good. It meant I was there instead of them."

"You were glad it was you?" the shrink sounded puzzled, not the reaction she was expecting.

"Yes."

The group turned to look at each other, shock etched into their faces, "I was made to withstand it, they however we not. They would have lost their innocence in the torture whereas I never had any to begin with."

"What hurt the most? What scared you more than anything else?"

"The fact that they had to watch, that they had to suffer with me. I hated that they had to see me at my weakest, I was scared they would see me for what I am. Nothing."

**I am really sorry it took so long so I wrote you a long chapter, enjoy?**

**Please review at your leisure… **


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